Springy-Clothing and Ultra-cleanse body redeeming product for sale! A satyrical mocking of fashion and their claims to attend to ALL of your needs, and other filthy media and cultural practices:
by Robert Nathan Richardson, July 13, 2015
(As you proceed indulging in public television and pubic schools, you’ll find the following messages in a blink! Enjoy!)
-Tired of waiting around for a Messiah to come and glorify your body in immortal splendor and beauty? Weather you feel like you don’t fall in with that group, or weather you of the 21st century just don’t have the time to wait around that long, or weather you just don’t believe God is powerful enough to give you mercy, you’re about to learn about a product that’s just right for you so you can stop worrying about all that!
-Have 10% of your income extra that you don’t know what to do with? Tired of giving it to some Church that just crimps your style? Put it to somewhere that will really count!
-Feel bad for the mistakes you’ve made in this life?
-Want to know the secrets to soap operas? SOAP! It’s all about washing your body to feel renewed and regenerated, even redeemed and free!
-It’s like those in days of old, the Romans were famous for washing their bodies sometimes more than 3 times a day to wash off their sins and mistakes! It’s all about refreshing, renewing, redeeming yourself!
-All that you need is money! It’s that simple!
-Tired of feeling weighed down by your mistakes and being rejected by your peers and loved ones?
-Try this new formula, the cleansing refreshing redeeming wash of ultra-cleanse!
-You’ll be born again as you wash your body! You’ll forget all of your flaws and have no more regret or remorse! Oh what dazzling confidence you can have!
-with our products, no matter what moral choices you make, you can live happily ever after just like all the teen films and television shows we pay for to show off our products!
-Buy now and we’ll throw in free this ultra-hair-redeemer, so you can even avoid the plagues foretold by Isaiah the prophet that the wicked would at a soon coming day be bald and stinky!
-As a woman of the 21st century you have way to much to worry about to be concerned with moral character choices you make! Trust us ladies, there is only one way to bypass all of that, and it’s with our all new everlasting body and hair formula’s! You won’t be stinky, on the inside or the out, we guarantee it! Improving the out improves the in!
-no longer reserve sacred parts of your body, curves, lines, etc, for your husband or wife to see, but show everyone! Be free!
-Sacrifice all dignity and principals of modesty in order to have the competitive advantage in sports and other areas of social life!
-make it impossible for people to ignore you, you’re better than that! It’s like driving down the road with your stereo blasting!
-don’t waste your time trying to become a poet, author, scientist, builder, artist, philosopher, physician, historian, just get money and get it fast! Then you can use this product which brings you all!
-spending all your time hanging out with friends isn’t going to cut it these days, you need to do more to establish yourself socially and find success! You need accessories!
-And remember, the way to get wealth, as popular vote has shown, is to inherit it, or to win the lottery, or to sue someone! If you can’t do any of those, you can always just put us at the top of your budget and rely on government bailouts despite your rank poverty, because life is about priorities, and rights! Don’t let anyone fool you, or anything in the way of the lifestyle you deserve!
-be righteous and holy like the ever so coveted Egyptians and all their pomp! They really had it down!
-Being comely and clean in your apparel is simply not enough! You must make yourself gaudy to be truly attractive! You deserve more!
-find your true self!
-See our great new clothing product line, “OBEY WORLD AGENDA”! What does that mean? Don’t worry about it, they’re just cool clothes!
-So come “Find the Urge to Splurge” at the Utah Fasion-place Mall!
-someone has got to be responsible for you and your needs!
-as a 21st century new age American, it’s a whole new world with whole new rules! You qualify for and deserve to have your cake and eat it to. Your beauty and success are all up to you, and you deserve them just as much as anyone else! Buy your way into the elite social class because you can!
-find a new you!
-be the person you always dreamed you could become!
-success is now with in your reach with the new clothing and accessories of Ultra-Cleanse!
-men today demand 1st rate view into your unique personality talents and character by your wearing tight clothing like everyone else! Show who you really are inside! Nothing says more about your truly unique self and special personality than extra cleavage, extra short shorts, extra tight clothing all around, and sporting the name brands clothing that everyone else is wearing! You just can’t afford to go without!
-don’t worry about caring to the needs of the poor, someone else always takes care of them! You need to put yourself first or you’ll loose everything!
-And for you BYU students whom I’ve seen wearing the “Ball is Life” shirts, boy have you found the right place, we ENTIRLY agree with you! Sports make the world, your scholarships, and your opportunity to play and never have to work, go round! Let us celebrate sports all the more!
-Come here to find the latest innovations to help you survive in this hip-hop world, we have everything you need in the following departments: the bravery of tinkling ornaments, and cauls, and round tires like the moon;
The chains and the bracelets, and the mufflers;
The bonnets, and the ornaments of the legs, and the headbands, and the tablets, and the ear-rings;
The rings, and nose jewels;
The changeable suits of apparel, and the mantles, and the wimples, and the crisping-pins;
The glasses, and the fine linen, and hoods, and the veils.